Guerilla Kebab

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'Guerrilla Kebab' is some cooking method I learned on a hunting trip to some distant corner of rural Turkey. The old man I went hunting with was one helluva hunter who did strange things according to me. He called them experience. By the way, I'm not a hunter. I can't either shoot or want to shoot. I accompanied him, it was really nice setting tents in the woods, by the lakes, and this, and that.

One of the so-called strange things was the 'Guerrilla Kebab'. Up to then, I didn't think that I could eat something that delicious while on primitive living conditions.

• First, you have to shoot an animal so unlucky to get in your shooting range while there is the rest of this whole f'ing world. Let's say it is a laaaarge rabbit. You have to get rid of the rabbit's fur and skin, of course. What? Ah yes, you need a Rambo knife.

• Then, you have to break an unlucky branch from a tree. Make sure it is straight enough. Sharpen its ends with your glorious Rambo knife. Thrust the stick into the ground at a ninety degree angle. The next step is mounting the rabbit vertically on the stick. In to the anus and out of the mouth is a logical solution.

• Now... In the trunk of your SUV there is a 25 liter square-shaped aluminum can of margarine, beans, etc. that you'd bought before the trip. Go and grab it. Open the can again with your Rambo knife. Be careful with your hands, the aluminum cap can be lethal at certain times. Eat all the margarine or beans (!), then rinse the inside of the can thoroughly with lakewater.

• Put the can upside-downward over the 'stick-o-rabbit'. Make sure there's no leak of air from the ground where the can stands. But hey, you've made an oven now!

• Find dry bushes and branches. Make a fire circularly around the oven. After some 30 minutes, take a look inside the oven. Don't burn yourself. Stab the rabbit with your knife. Is it still hard? OK, wait for another 15 minutes and it should be ready now.

Your 'Guerrilla Kebab' is ready to be eaten. And one more time, be careful with your hands. Try not to eat your fingers.

And by the way, that old man told me he'd learned this method in South America while on mission with Ernesto and friends. Do I believe him? I suppose so. I've seen his photos from Cuba taken in 1990, dining with Fidel.

And I don't take responsibility if you

try this at home!

Ozan Sezgin